what if i was a winner? (oh, i am!)

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I’m the kind of girl that comes in second. As a kid, I came in second in every spelling bee and times-table contest; as an adult, I’ve fallen second to even the uglier, less-talented girls in matters of love and career. Would I, for example, much rather have wedded the gorgeous college boyfriend with the wandering eye and overestimated intelligence? Or am I glad I’m not the girl he knocked up, and subsequently married, shot-gun style, at the tender age of 25? Hand me this new ceramic trophy by Yellow Owl Workshop, filled with a nice flower arrangement by Studio Choo, and say with a smile, “Congratulations! You’re the first-runner up. Aren’t you lucky?”

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Would I much rather have not been one of the select few laid off from my job as a magazine editor? Considering the state of print media these days, pin me instead with a hand-pleated, hand-sewn decorative award ribbon from Small Stump and say, “Congratulations! You’ve just dodged a bullet.”

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Would I much rather have been the beauty queen in high school—instead of the unpopular girl with the bad skin—if it meant that I’d suffer the fate of most early-to-peak tarts (now overweight housewives)? Let me prance around for a few days crowned with this breathtaking tiara by Tjep, made of layers of silver-plated brass and diamonds, and I promise to give it some really deep thought. —LML

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4 Responses

  1. Yay! We feel like winners too! Thanks so much for posting this- we’ll be checking in to see what you are up to! Talk soon, A and J

  2. Love this! Made me laugh. Don’t forget your are the Swan!

  3. You remember well, my friend. Sometimes, being the swan isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  4. One thing I hate about being one of the “unfortunate” one’s laid off in an industry that is in serious atrophy (newspapers). It is hard to tell who is the lucky one or who deserves the nice white trophy with flowers. Sometimes wondering “what if” as it pertains to my life can cause me more grief than I know what to do with. Maybe I missed the boat and will drown trying to swim across the great divide. Or maybe I will become stronger and wiser from the experience or even better, get lost on an island paradise and dream about the “what ifs” while sipping pina coladas and wearing my breathtaking tiara and my heart is light as a feather award ribbon.

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