what if i was a winner? (oh, i am!)
October 3, 2009

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I’m the kind of girl that comes in second. As a kid, I came in second in every spelling bee and times-table contest; as an adult, I’ve fallen second to even the uglier, less-talented girls in matters of love and career. Would I, for example, much rather have wedded the gorgeous college boyfriend with the wandering eye and overestimated intelligence? Or am I glad I’m not the girl he knocked up, and subsequently married, shot-gun style, at the tender age of 25? Hand me this new ceramic trophy by Yellow Owl Workshop, filled with a nice flower arrangement by Studio Choo, and say with a smile, “Congratulations! You’re the first-runner up. Aren’t you lucky?”

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Would I much rather have not been one of the select few laid off from my job as a magazine editor? Considering the state of print media these days, pin me instead with a hand-pleated, hand-sewn decorative award ribbon from Small Stump and say, “Congratulations! You’ve just dodged a bullet.”

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Would I much rather have been the beauty queen in high school—instead of the unpopular girl with the bad skin—if it meant that I’d suffer the fate of most early-to-peak tarts (now overweight housewives)? Let me prance around for a few days crowned with this breathtaking tiara by Tjep, made of layers of silver-plated brass and diamonds, and I promise to give it some really deep thought. —LML

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